his side of the birth story

i remember asking josh a few weeks after jake was born what the delivery was like from his standpoint.  he told me everything that happened with no problem at all.  a few weeks ago while josh and i were riding home from a date night (to the grocery store), i asked him what the delivery was like with allie. silence.  a long, awkward silence.  josh simply says "i don't want to think about it and i don't want to talk about it."  i left it at that answer.

a few weeks later, i just couldn't get what he said off my mind.  i asked him yet again, ready to get the same answer.  this time he was a little more willing to talk.  with tears in his eyes, this is his side allie's birth story::

when they took you into the operating room, i sat outside and prayed for the Lord to keep you safe. for Him to keep allie safe.  then one of the nurses brought me into the operating room to sit by your side.  you looked at me and smiled.  about five or ten minutes into the surgery, the machines started going crazy.  you said you didn't feel so good.  they put a shot in your i.v. and you were fine again.  the machines went off three more times.  i had no clue that your liver and kidneys were shutting down.  i had no clue anything was wrong.  all the nurses and doctors handled it so smoothly.  i heard allie's cry and left your side to go see her.  she was perfect.....she weighed exactly the same as jake.  they handed her to you and i took a deep breath and thank God for keeping both my girls safe.  all our family and friends were waiting to greet us.  it was a quick two minutes and the nurses let you have one hour of recovery.
during that one hour of recovery is when things started to spiral downward.  you told sarah (the nurse) that you felt something gush out of you.  she looked and within 10 seconds there were about 12 nurses in our room.  elizabeth, you looked like you were going to die.  i thought you were going to die.  i wanted to cry, but there was so much commotion in the room that i was too stunned to do anything but stand there.  there was blood everywhere, nurses were everywhere running in and out of our room and using all these code words that i didn't understand.  you were pale. very pale.  allie was in her little bassinet as quiet as could be, as if she knew something was wrong.  about 20 minutes went by and you were still bleeding.  dr. koefed walked in and said that you had five minutes to stop bleeding or you would be taken back to the OR for an emergency hysterectomy and would probably need to be given blood because you had lost so much.  i had to sit down.  i was so scared i was going to lose you.  i buried my head in my hands and i told the Lord this was all in His hands.  you stopped bleeding right before the 5 minute mark.  i knew my God would pull through.  i was thankful.  very thankful that you were alive.  i was supposed to take jake home that night and stay with him.  but i couldn't.  i had to stay with you.  i needed to stay with you.  i stayed up most of the night holding allie and watching you breathe.  every two hours the nurses came into our room to make sure you hadn't started bleeding again.    you had to take a lot of medicine.  the days passed and it was finally time to go home.  i was relieved.  i always cherished every moment with you. now i just cherish them a little more.